“It’s okay to break. What matters is what you do with the pieces.” — Maria Hagberg
I broke a mug this morning. To say I was upset is an understatement. It was one of my favorites. I have several mugs—somewhere around a hundred (we don’t judge here). Most of them are Disney-themed, as was this one. But this one also had plants on it and said, “I be-leaf in you.”
I love a good pun. And plants. This was a top-ten mug. Could I get a new one? Sure. But that’s not the point of this story.
As I stood there with ceramic scattered across the countertop, I heard Matt call out, “Are you okay?” “Yes,” I said. He paused and replied, “But you’re sad.”
He was right. I was.
Then he said something that stopped me in my tracks: “It’s okay. What’s important is you’re okay.”
In that moment, I had flashes of all the times in my life when hearing those exact words would have saved me from years of fear and self-criticism. I remember hearing, “You’re so clumsy,” or “Why don’t you watch what you’re doing?” And I know, somewhere along the way, I probably said those same words to my kids before I realized—it’s okay. We all make mistakes.
Now, I would never get upset with my grandkids for spilling or breaking something. I’d smile, tell them it’s okay, and help them clean it up.
As I’ve entered my healing—my soft-girl era, if you will—I’ve learned a few things. I can’t live in the “I wish I would have” moments because they wreck me every time. You know the ones:
“I wish I would have spoken to my kids with more patience.” “I wish I would have been more present.”
I can’t change the past. But I can do better now—with my grandkids, with my family, and with myself.
It only took me 54 years to learn this: it’s okay to break. What matters is what you do with the pieces.
Have you ever seen a mosaic table? It’s made of hundreds of broken pieces—each one unique, each one essential. Together, they form something beautiful.
Maybe that’s the metaphor for my life. All the broken pieces I’ve gathered and put back together have helped me find the good in my life.
And I hope that as you clean up your own shattered pieces, you too can Find the Good in Your Life.
“The ground only feels fragile when you’re not standing in your truth.” ~ Maria Hagberg
Hello Beautiful People. Did I ever tell you I have a magical gift? I learned to read a room before I learned to read a book. When you have parental units that are walking time bombs you learn at an early age what not to say or do to set them off. Unfortunately this “gift” followed me into adulthood. My daughter got mad at me one day because I would, and still do, wait to share things until the “time is right.” I would try never to ruin my kids’ mornings before school, even if that meant I was the one making the sacrifice because I didn’t want their day to be bad. She said, “Why do you do that? If you have something to say, just say it.” If only it was that easy. You would think at 54 I would have let this go, but there are days I still feel the crunch of egg shells beneath my feet.
In my adult life this “gift” followed me into relationships. I had gone to therapy and at one time became very bold with my words, just saying whatever came to mind, not caring about the other person’s feelings, just wanting my truth to be heard. I was then told I was too harsh and I needed to really watch what I say, because once words are spoken they could be forgiven but never forgotten. This thought almost paralyzed me. I never wanted to hurt people, I just wanted to be heard. Back to therapy I went. Unfortunately not wanting to hurt others meant I wasn’t living my life. I hid my happiness because I didn’t want others to feel bad for not being as happy. I sometimes would let it slip how happy I was and someone would make the comment that, “no one is really that happy” or “no one’s marriage is really that good.” It was easier for me to hide my truth then to be authentic. I was once again feeling the crumble around me.
Wanting to find the happy medium of being able to speak my truth and live my life without worrying about hurting others, back to therapy I went. This time I felt like I had finally understood what my therapists were saying. Trying really hard to allow that frightened child, the young married girl, and the grown woman I had become to speak her truth and live her happy life, I was finally able to sweep up the egg shells from the floor. Unfortunately, I do still find remnants of those shells on the floor now and again as I wait for the “perfect” time to say something, but I no longer fear the bombs that were in my life, nor am I worried about showing the love that surrounds me. I hope if you are walking on egg shells that you too can sweep them away and learn to live out loud and always Find the Good In Your Life.
Hello beautiful people. “Do your thing. And don’t care if they like it.” — Tina Fey
Have you ever been sharing something with someone and they roll their eyes, or say “I don’t like that”? It’s not just when I’m sharing something that I don’t like, but when someone sees or hears about something someone else has and says, “Yuck, I don’t like that.” That’s ok Becky (made up name) it wasn’t for you. I’ve taught myself over the years, when someone asks me directly if I like something and I don’t, to usually say, “I like it for you, it’s not for me.” And now that I’m thinking about it, I could probably leave out the last part. Seriously, I never want to take away from someone else’s joy of something they like. I do not like candy (love chocolate) but you’ll never catch me yucking my daughter’s yum as she eats jelly beans or Sour Patch Kids.
In this age of keyboard warriors, everyone seems ready to share their opinion — whether you asked for it or not. But here’s the truth: you can hear something or read something and simply… not reply. I’ve caught myself wanting to chime in on things that were none of my business, ready to toss in my two cents. But really, why? If you like pickles and peanut butter, or if you’d rather hike the mountains than sit on the beach, what does that have to do with me? The same goes for parenting choices — co-sleeping, crib sleeping, or anything else. Unless it’s your child, maybe it’s not your say. Why do we feel so entitled to weigh in on other people’s lives?
I don’t know about you, but people seem to want to speak into my life often. I’ve learned not to let it get to me, and when it does, I ask myself two questions: Do they pay my bills? and Do they live in a way I’d want to model my own life after? If not, their opinion doesn’t deserve my energy. We should allow people to enjoy their yums, as long as it does no harm to them or anyone else. So tell me , what’s one of your yums, that thing you love even if others don’t? Life is too short to waste on yucking someone else’s yum. Celebrate your joys, honor theirs, and always, Find the Good in Your Life.
Hello Beautiful People! “A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.” — Winnie the Pooh
Have you ever sat in a room of people and felt so alone but yet sat with one person and felt so seen? I’ve stood on stages and been cheered by thousands and yet looked out only looking for my one. I’ve been congratulated by strangers and waited for the same congratulations by those I thought were my people. Looking for a place to fit in and finding “Your People” is sometimes a long and stressful thing. I have found as we go through the different seasons of our life, sometimes the people change too. I’ve been very blessed with the same, never changing, no matter the season of life, Besties since I was 12, but we live on different coasts and, though we cheer each other on and share our lives in text, phone calls, and pictures, something is missing. I need connection, we all need connection.
I think we live in a world that had become used to doing so much life through text and social media that when 2020 happened and turned into two years of social distancing, we became very comfortable with being alone. Then followed by two years of justifying why we still weren’t ready to connect. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with spending time by yourself. As a matter of fact, it’s healthy to be able to sit alone, but that’s a topic for another day. Though alone time is good, doing life alone is not. We are meant to do life together. What does that look like? Well in the book “Find Your People” by Jennie Allen, she explains that we have layers of relationships. The outer most are your Acquaintances, which are all the people you know. Then you have your Village, that’s around 50 people, and are the ones you do a lot of life with and would invite to a party if you were having one; you enjoy their company. Then there is the Inner Circle, the 2 to 5 that are closest with you, the ones you would call if you were having an emergency. I’ve definitely had the Village so many times. You share life and talk about things and start to go deep. I remember sitting around my table doing life with my “Small Group” (there was 20 of us) and we shared our hurts and our pains and cried together, went to doctor appointments together and waited for results together. We didn’t all go to the doctor together, but we asked who can go with me. We weren’t afraid of being a “burden” to one another. As a matter of fact, we picked up each others’ burdens and carried them, together. But 2020 happened, and doing life together changed. My group tried to stay together. We did Facetimes and texted, but life took a toll on so many of us, and the way the world looked and behaved, changed.
Now, I long for those conversations around a table or fire-pit, but this time I’m looking to go deeper. I love the Village life, and I want that too, but I want that Inner Circle. I want that feeling I had with my 12 year old besties of laughing till we almost pee (unfortunately today I probably would pee… if you know, you know). That closeness of, “I’m coming over.” I don’t want to settle for just doing Village life, I want to go deeper. That I actually am holding your hand and looking you in the eyes when I say, “everything will be ok,” not just texting it. I want to hold your hand and pray for you and not just text “praying.” I want those 2 to 5 people that I don’t feel scared to ask for help. You see, with my village I was the leader, and I felt alone so much because I was the one making sure everyone else was healthy and ok that I forgot to seek out my inner circle. I even, at times, became resentful of the Village because they didn’t check on me, but how could they when I didn’t let them know that I needed help. I thought the bread crumbs I was dropping would be the clue, but I never just said, “I’m having a hard time,” or whatever it may be. Finding your inner circle also means there will be hard conversations sometimes. Am I ready for those conversations should they arise? I hope so. I want to have the friends that turn to family. That I know that even if we have a disagreement we will get past it and be stronger.
I just started a new Bible Study group, and as we start to form the Village, I look around the table and wonder will any of them be my inner circle? It’s great if they are, but ok if they aren’t. I like knowing I a have Village of women praying for me. Yes, we all know Matt is my best friend, and, after God, Matt is as close to the inner of inner circles as it gets. But there is something about a girlfriend. Matt has his guy friends, and I watch as he giggles at his phone as they text each other and make plans to meet up. I’m a little envious. I love that for him, but I need that for me. In the book we are reading it explains about Finding Your People and how to go about it. I text a friend the other day and said, “Apparently you are one of my best friends.” She laughed and agreed I was one of hers too. For the sake of the book we won’t include Matt into that inner circle, or my daughter, who I love to think is my friend, not just my daughter, and knows me better than most. So now I have one inner circle friend… this is a little scary. As I come out of the fog of what was the 2020 vortex and go into an new season looking for and ready for those connections that I believe so many of us really are, I open myself up ready to do life with people again. Ready for cookouts with couple friends. Ready for coffee talks with girlfriends. Ready to hold myself accountable for allowing love and friendship back into my life that go deeper and not closing myself off because of past hurts. I would love to know, do you have your Village? Do you have your Inner Circle? I would really suggest everyone seeking to make new connections to read this book. I don’t agree with all of it, but the one thing I know for sure, I want to share the good in my life, and I hope you always Find The Good In Your Life.
Find The Good In Your Life 