Tag: family

family · fear · gratitude · Inspirational · Life · Overcoming · Uncategorized

Lessons From A Broken Mug

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Good Morning Beautiful People

“It’s okay to break. What matters is what you do with the pieces.” — Maria Hagberg

I broke a mug this morning. To say I was upset is an understatement. It was one of my favorites. I have several mugs—somewhere around a hundred (we don’t judge here). Most of them are Disney-themed, as was this one. But this one also had plants on it and said, “I be-leaf in you.”

I love a good pun. And plants. This was a top-ten mug. Could I get a new one? Sure. But that’s not the point of this story.

As I stood there with ceramic scattered across the countertop, I heard Matt call out, “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I said.
He paused and replied, “But you’re sad.”

He was right. I was.

Then he said something that stopped me in my tracks: “It’s okay. What’s important is you’re okay.”

In that moment, I had flashes of all the times in my life when hearing those exact words would have saved me from years of fear and self-criticism. I remember hearing, “You’re so clumsy,” or “Why don’t you watch what you’re doing?” And I know, somewhere along the way, I probably said those same words to my kids before I realized—it’s okay. We all make mistakes.

Now, I would never get upset with my grandkids for spilling or breaking something. I’d smile, tell them it’s okay, and help them clean it up.

As I’ve entered my healing—my soft-girl era, if you will—I’ve learned a few things. I can’t live in the “I wish I would have” moments because they wreck me every time. You know the ones:

“I wish I would have spoken to my kids with more patience.” “I wish I would have been more present.”

I can’t change the past. But I can do better now—with my grandkids, with my family, and with myself.

It only took me 54 years to learn this: it’s okay to break. What matters is what you do with the pieces.

Have you ever seen a mosaic table? It’s made of hundreds of broken pieces—each one unique, each one essential. Together, they form something beautiful.

Maybe that’s the metaphor for my life. All the broken pieces I’ve gathered and put back together have helped me find the good in my life.

And I hope that as you clean up your own shattered pieces, you too can Find the Good in Your Life.

family · fear · gratitude · Inspirational · Life · mind set · Overcoming

It Felt Like Magic

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“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, Brown paper packages tied up with strings, These are a few of my favorite things” ~ Lyrics, My Favorite Things. Sound of Music.

Hello Beautiful People! I don’t know about you, but there has been many days lately that I am not singing happy songs about Christmas, but it’s more like…

“Where are you Christmas, Why can’t I find you, Why have you gone away, Where is the laughter, You used to bring me, Why can’t I hear music play?” (Lyrics Faith Hill or Cindy Lou Who).

As my children grew up and started their own families and started their own traditions, Christmas just didn’t “feel” the same. I think it’s because I wasn’t “needed” to make the magic anymore. I love seeing my kids do things for their kids, but something was missing.

Now, something tells me if you know me you won’t be surprised by this next sentence. I was at Disneyland, and I found the Christmas magic. I know you are thinking, “Of course you did, it’s the happiest place on earth.” But listen, it isn’t what you’re thinking. I love parades and fireworks. I love fireworks so much that when I die I want part of my ashes put into fireworks so people can say, “She went out with a bang,” and/or “She really sparkled.”

Anyhow, back to what I was saying. Matt took me the other night just to watch the Christmas parade and see the fireworks. As we are standing there, I am not really watching the parade. I have seen it a few dozen times. I love it each time, but instead I am doing my favorite thing to do at Disney, and that is people watch. I am watching a mom who is there with her daughter who looks to be about 18 months. She is smiling so big at her daughter who is waving at all the characters. She’s jumping up and down in her mom’s arms to the music and the mom is fighting back tears watching her daughter. Now that baby will never remember that moment, but that mom will never forget.

Oh, but it got even better. Then the fireworks and light show started. It really is beautiful. At the end of the fireworks, it started to “snow.” As I was looking out at everyone, there was a couple dancing under the snow. She was crying, he was giving her forehead kisses. There was a dad wiping away tears because his little girl hugged him and said, “Thank you, this is the best,” as she twirled in the snow. There were 3 ladies standing beside Matt and I who were giggling and one of them said, “I needed this. It really helped me not feel so alone.” Needless to say, as I stood there in Matt’s arms, crying, I felt the magic of Christmas. Maybe, it’s just the magic of Disney, but I was able to bring that feeling home and let it carry me over.

I’ve realized as I was feeling the Christmas magic, I saw more of it in everyday things. Life is made up of unique moments that feel like magic, if we stop long enough to take our eyes off of us and look around. Maybe that’s just for me. Whether you have felt the Christmas magic every day this season, or if you are still looking for it and hoping to just get past the 25th, please know I understand it all. I hope next year will be different, and I will be ringing my jingle bells all season long. But no matter what day it is, or what season, we can always Find The Good In Our Lives.

Entrepreneur · family · fear · gratitude · Inspirational · Life · music · Overcoming

I Wrote This

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Hello Beautiful People! “The scariest moment is always just before we start” ~ Stephen King

‘I often get asked what it’s like being a writer. Honestly, I’m not sure how to answer that. I love writing a lot. I feel it’s something I’m good at. However, writing my first novel was so scary. We are getting ready to do some re-writes on it, some corrections that were missed in the first editing process. As I reread my book, I have thought, “This is really good. If I didn’t write this, I would want to read it.” Yes, by all means, let me toot my own horn. I think I will talk more about the writing process another day, but for today, here is a snippet of my book, Daydreams. I hope you enjoy it.

“Hi everyone. I am Sophia Angel-Day Love. At exactly 10:23 a.m. on May 25th five years ago my life changed forever. So, in the next 20 minutes I may break down crying. It was Memorial Day weekend and my husband Bryan had the weekend off. He was a firefighter. However, he was on call that weekend for our friend Greg, because his wife was due at any time. The family was all packed up and ready to head to the beach for the day when he got the call from Greg that his wife was going into labor. I understood that he had to go, but our girls were so disappointed. Our oldest, Layla, was five, about to turn six, and Lola was three. Layla threw such a big fit, and Lola just liked to copy her sister, so she did the same. Bryan sat them on the sofa and explained why he had to go and reminded them why what he did was so important. He reminded them how he was a helper and how being a helper was an important job. Bryan hugged them and kissed them both and said, ‘I love you, to heaven and back.’ That was a saying Bryan started with the girls and myself because we had to have the hard talks sometimes about death and what could happen. Layla had asked Bryan if he would still love her even if he was in heaven. He told her he would love her from heaven and he would feel her love from there too, so it became our thing, ‘I’ll love you to heaven and back.’ 

“The girls and I went to the beach while Bryan went to work. We called to tell him good night when we got home and he had said it was a pretty quiet night so far and he would be home in the morning. The next morning my sister-in-law, Mia, called and said she wanted to come get the girls for the day and she would be over around 8 to pick them up. I tried calling Bryan but I didn’t get an answer. I figured he must be on a call, no big deal. Mia came and got the girls and we made plans for us to come over that afternoon for a cookout once Bryan was home and rested. After they left, I puttered around the house keeping busy, waiting for Bryan. I went out to the rose garden that he had planted for me, sat on the butterfly bench he had just gotten me so I could sit there and enjoy the view. I loved it so much. He had planted what we called a butterfly garden around it. You know, all the flowers that butterflies enjoy. He said I reminded him of butterflies because I was always going from one thing to the next, always fluttering around. As I walked into the house I heard a knock at the door. My stomach turned into a knot. I didn’t know what was on the other side of the door, but I knew something was wrong. 

“As I answered the door I saw Jack, the Fire Chief, and several others from the department standing there. I remember shaking my head and asking, ‘Where is Bryan?’ As Jack got closer I heard him say, ‘Sophia, we are so sorry.’ I don’t remember this, but I was told by a few of the guys that I just started screaming, ‘NO!’ over and over, but in my head everything had gone numb and silent. I collapsed onto the floor crying and screaming. I felt like my whole world had come to an end in that moment. Every dream, every future plan, everything, died in that moment. I barely remember the next few days. I know I have amazing friends who took turns staying with me till I could function again.

“‘Function again.’ That’s a funny saying. You see, I wake up every day and go through motions, but I don’t know if I am functioning. I am told it’s ok to move on, that Bryan would want me to. I’m told it’s ok to be happy, but my happiness died with Bryan. I don’t know who this was supposed to help today, because I don’t feel helpful. I have a job that I enjoy, and two amazing girls and the best friends anyone could ask for, but yet, I am not happy. I keep all the sadness and anger inside. As people try to be helpful I stay polite, but inside I say things like, ‘Shut up, you have no idea. You tell me how it feels to relive your worst nightmare every night when you try to go to sleep.’ I have not slept one full night in 5 years. I wake crying almost every night if I do fall asleep. I spray his cologne on his pillow so I can smell him. I ask God ‘Why?’ all the time, and I still don’t have an answer. 

“Oh, you might wonder how this happened. There was a house fire, and the little boy who started the fire was scared so he hid. The rest of the family got out, and when they realized he was still in there Bryan went running in to find him. As Bryan found the little boy, Bryan got him out the window in time but the ceiling collapsed trapping Bryan. Everyone tried getting to Bryan but it was too late. I am not angry at Bryan or his brothers. I knew the dangers of the job and so did he. I’m angry that I have to go through life without the one person who swore he would always be there with me. The person who could calm my fears. The person who I dreamt with, made plans with. I am mad, because even though we talked about this being a possibility, he never told me how it would feel and how to continue breathing without him. I have to literally tell myself to breath sometimes. I am 36 years old and by now we were going to have made a difference in so many people’s lives. We had plans. But instead, I walk around in anger and pain trying my best to be a mom, friend, employee, daughter, and any other hat people expect me to wear. I get to wear all these hats except one… the wife hat. That hat is gone. I’m sorry. I feel like I’m just rambling now. I really don’t know why I was asked to share today. I hope this helped someone.” 

As Sophia looked into the faces of everyone sitting there she didn’t see a dry eye. A lady from the back of the room stood up. She was young looking. She wore her blond hair in two braids and was very pregnant….

I hope you enjoyed that and want to read more. You can find your copy here. You need to read to find out if Sophia learned to find the good in her life, but I hope you can always Find The Good In Your Life.

Entrepreneur · family · fear · gratitude · Healthy Eating · Inspirational · Life · Overcoming

Dear Future Self

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Hello Beautiful People! “That sounds like a problem for future me.” ~ Too many people

I use to be one of those people who would say, “That sounds like a problem for future María.” Then one day I was listening to a podcast, I do not remember who it was by, but they said something that really gut checked me. They said something like, “You say you want to leave a legacy, something for your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, but yet you say, ‘That sounds like a problem for future you.’ But when that future comes will you be ready to handle those things? Have they been dealt with?” I am completely paraphrasing, but you get the gist. As a person whose family means everything to her, I really had to sit with this. The 20-year-old me (pictured) was so scared of the future and life. I remember the feelings I had in this picture. I remember every detail from this night. If only she knew, everything would be ok.

There are things in my past that I wish I would have handled differently, but such is life. I decided that I need to do things now to make future María proud. I wanted to be a friend to her. How do you be a friend? You keep your word, you show up when you say you are going to do something, you listen to them and offer help when you can. You spend time with them and learn likes and dislikes. I am a great friend….to others. Showing up for myself has been hard. Keeping my word to myself, hard. The “I will do it tomorrow” was so easy for me to say to myself. I would never do that to others. Then one day something clicked. Not only do I need to do this for me, future me, but this will effect my family. Not dealing with the past will cause challenges not just for me, but my family. Going to therapy was eye opening. Learning to show up for myself, physically and mentally… game changer. I wanted to be the best me for me. I wanted future me to like who I had become because I took the time to do the work. So here I am, still soul searching and learning, wanting future me to know I am going to continue on being the best friend to you that I would want for me.

Dear future me… My friend, I hope you laughed more than you cried. I hope you danced in the rain. I hope you traveled and had adventures that make you smile. I hope you lived a life of love. I hope you are happy, truly, genuinely happy. Happy with your life, your friends, family, happy with yourself. I hope you are successful in accomplishing your yearly goals. I hope you wrote books that made people fall in love with reading. I hope you took risks and still end up happy. No matter what happened in the end, I hope you always Find The Good In Your Life.

Uncategorized

Nicknames

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Hello Beautiful People! “Nicknames are fond names, we do not give them to people we dislike.” ~Edna Ferber

I’ve had many nicknames in my life. I’ve loved most of them. I love when someone knows you well enough to call you something that may be an inside joke between you two or a group of friends. That thing that brings you closer because of something you did or something that reminds you of them. My stepdad called me Tinker… it was short for Tinkerbell. I loved watching the Sunday night Disney movies, and when Tinkerbell would come out I would pretend to be her. I, to this day, relate to that little fairy in so many ways, and when I see her I think of him. My best friends called me Ree, and they still do. I got that name in the 7th grade. There was Bean, Bon Bon, Goober, and me, Ree (picture made by Goober). However, Goober, to me, was Fish. Since the day I met her, everything she saw and disliked she would say, “Ew Fish,” so when it was just us I would call her Fish. My best friend’s mom called me Lady Bug. That’s what she called her girls. I loved that she made me one of her girls too. In High School my nickname was Peaches. That nickname has stuck with my West Coast friends. Even now, I’m not sure anyone really remembers my real name. If I see anyone from that time they still call me Peaches, and I love it. My husband has a few nicknames for me. First thing in the morning I’m usually awoken by, “Good morning my beautiful Bride,” but through life I am “Babe.” I loved when these people would say my nickname. To me it means we were close, we had connection, we have history.

Not all nicknames have been things I wanted to be called. I was very thin when I was younger, and very self conscious about it, so if someone called me String Bean or Olive Oil, my heart would hurt. I would always laugh it off and pretend to be fine. I hated any time I would hear my actual name. I always felt like I was in trouble. My mom’s side of the family mostly call me Angela, my middle name. If I heard María from anyone as a child, a knot would form in my stomach because I knew I was in trouble. Heaven forbid If I got the María Angela, I was really in trouble. (Don’t worry, I’ve worked through that in therapy.) I personally would never call someone a nickname they didn’t like. When meeting someone for the first time, if I introduced to them as, “This is Bill but we all call him Tiny,” I’m going to ask if it’s ok that I call them Tiny or do they prefer Bill.

There was no real reason for this topic except I was thinking about names I’ve given people. I love a good last name that can be a nickname. I have friend I only call by her last name. I have nicknames for my children and grandchildren. Any nickname to me is in love. I love the memories that flood back when I hear someone use that name. I remember the laughs we had and the tears we cried, the “thank you for being there,” because nicknames come with history. Do you have a nickname that brings a smile to your face? Please let me know. To those who will ask what I call Matt… Well my response to his good morning is, “Good morning my handsome Hubby.” I have a few nicknames for him, but he is usually Babe also. I do call him Baby Cakes a lot, and Hagberg (our last name) if I am trying to get his attention. I think my favorite name I have ever been called is mom. that was until I was called Gigi. Matt would say his favorite name is Pop. Thinking about all these names has put a smile on my face. I hope that whatever name you go by it will put a smile on your face as you think about it and it always leads you back to Finding The Good In Your Life.

family · gratitude · Life · Overcoming

Lessons From Grandma

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Hello Beautiful People! “Grandchildren give us a second chance to do things better because they bring out the best in us.” ~ Unknown

I have been blessed with 3 amazing grandchildren, and I never take for granted the time I get to spend with them. Every Wednesday is “Grandbaby Day” where Pop (Matt) and I go to our daughter’s house (usually) and bring at least one of our granddaughters to play with our grandson while our daughter does things she needs to do. Most Wednesdays are just playing at the house with dance parties and lunch with some outside play. But then there are days where we go to Disneyland and we eat ice cream and popcorn and watch parades. We wave “hi” to Mickey Mouse and ride Merry-Go-Rounds and then rewatch the videos on my phone for the next few months till we go again. Once a month we do a sleepover at our house where we to crafts, watch movies and eat popcorn. I love every moment of these days.

My Grandma was my favorite person. She was my confidant. She was the person I knew I could trust to tell me the truth even if the truth would hurt. But she would always say it with love, never harsh. When I was young I lived with her for a while until I moved back with my mom. Later in life she was where I would go for a few weeks during the summer, and then when I had my kids, her house was where I would bring them with me for the weekend. I loved sitting in Grandma’s kitchen. We would talk about everything. Nothing was ever off the table. I would call throughout the week and she always had time for me. I knew she was busy, but she never said, “not now.” I always felt calm at Grandma’s house. I know her house was covered in prayer, because her love for the Lord was one of the things I admired about her. I would often ask her who her favorite was, and her answer was always, “Jesus.” I was ok with that answer. It wasn’t until I became a grandparent that I understood her more.

As a parent I was always rushing to get things done. I had to make sure the house was clean, the kids were fed, homework was completed, on top of every other responsibility I deemed necessary. I liked Grandma’s house because it was calm, while my life, for so many reasons, seemed out of control. I was overloaded and didn’t understand why. I didn’t have memes then telling me that “it’s ok to not be ok” or that all moms are feeling like this. I didn’t know I would one day wish for the toys to be all over the house or to have my children crawl into my lap and ask for another story. I admired that parent who seemed to like playing tea party, or made time do puzzles, or had their child help them cook. I wanted to be that parent, but I didn’t have that example of a parent, so I didn’t know not everything had to get done. Thankfully I had the best example of a grandparent. I will sit and make time for each grandchild. I will allow the Christmas tree to be decorated any way they want and for Play-Doe and slime in the house (story for another day). I will sit and play tea party when asked and listen about their games they are into with excitement, even though I have no clue what they are talking about. I will always try to be that calm for them, the trusted voice when they come to me because they are The Good In My Life.

Entrepreneur · family · fear · gratitude · Inspirational · mind set · over coming · Overcoming · Uncategorized

Are You Happy?

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Good Morning Sunshines, it’s been a while . I have so much to catch you up on, but that won’t be today. Can you believe it’s 2020? I seriously had an OMG 😱 moment a few months ago when I realized that it was 2020 and how long ago 2000 was and what was I doing when we all thought the world would stop spinning that night. Any who, that’s not why I decided to blog today. I wanted to talk about happiness.

Are you happy? I am. But what is happiness? What makes you happy? This last 5 months I did a training with some people, and for everyone else there was a 4 week open invitation for everyone to watch on Find The Good In Your Life (Facebook and Insta). One of the things we focused on was Finding The Good In Your Life and finding happiness in all situations. Here are the top 5 questions my clients and people in general ask me about happiness. “Why is it so hard to be happy?” “What does happiness look like?” “Is joy and happiness the same thing?” “Is happiness different for everyone?” “Why are some people just always happy?”

Well, I’m happy to answer those for you ….

“Why is it so hard to be happy?” Most of the time it’s hard to be happy because we find ourselves either thinking about the past, wishing things could have been different or worrying about the the future. I have found when I live in the now I can find things to be thankful for, and when you are being thankful it’s hard to focus on the negative. (You will hear/read me saying this a lot.)

“What does happiness look like?” I truly believe it’s different for every person. Happiness does not mean all rainbows, unicorns and sunshine for everyone. For many people, happiness can just look and feel like contentment. What do I mean by contentment? It does not mean that you are not striving for more but that you are happy (content) at that moment.

“Is joy and happiness the same thing?” No. Joy is a peace that you have when you are good with you. Being able to accept yourself for who you are and where you are. It doesn’t mean you aren’t still trying to become a better version of you, it just means you have peace with where you are right now. Happiness is usually based on the situation, memory, “feeling” you have.

“Is happiness different for everyone?” Happiness is different for everyone based on life experience, and science also says some are born with more of the gene that causes happiness. Don’t use that as an excuse to why you’re not happy. They have found that even those who have less of this gene can still change their DNA in a way that they cannot tell you are lacking, but you must work on it. I do understand that there are people who have medical conditions that can cause depression that may need medication, but even those people can find happiness with work, maybe therapy or someone who has been studying happiness and the brain for years. (That’s why I am here. I have been doing this for years.)

“Why are some people just always happy?” Are you ready for the hard truth…? They choose to be. Yup, it all comes down to a choice . It doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days or things won’t go wrong, but when you decide you want to be happy and that you actually want to find joy and peace, you will work toward it like you never have before. You will learn what things bring you happiness. What you won’t settle for anymore. Maybe it means removing negative people and situations out of your life.

How are you feeling right now after reading that? I hope you feel hopeful. I want you to be happy, but more than anything I want you to have joy and to be able to Find The Good In Your Life in every situation. I’m here if you want/need to talk.