Category: music

gratitude · Inspirational · Life · music · Overcoming

Music

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“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” ~ Maya Angelou

Music touches us all in different ways. It can move us to tears, it can make us dance, it can calm a moment and bring us back to a place in time. Music has always been a big part of my life. I cannot sing to save my life, but have always enjoyed screeching out lyrics nonetheless. I was in chorus for years, and there was brave soul who I was next to for a few of those years because I could copy (sometimes) her pitch. Laura Griggs, you saint. I think of you often over the years as my daughter (who is an amazing singer), when younger, would ask, “Does that sound good to you?” Knowing I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, I will still sing to the top of my lungs and I wondered, did Laura ever feel the same way? My husband (who sings very well) when we are in the car singing will just smile and say, “you’re cute.” I’m sure that’s another way of saying, “Does that sound good to you?” I will also get the lyrics wrong and do not wish to know the real ones because mine are just fine.

I’ve had a song stuck in my head for a long time, and I could hear the tune and even knew a few of the words. Something about not being there and “I’ll be home soon.” I knew it was a “talking” song, if you will. I knew where this song was from, but thought there was no way my dad still had his old 8-tracks, but sure enough he did. I asked him to send me a picture of them and I would try to find the song. I sat for hours going through the songs on YouTube trying to find the right song. I heard a song and thought, “this sounds familiar” in my spirit, but it wasn’t THE song (Johnny Paychecks, Outlaw’s Prayer). I heard old songs that brought me back to being 8 years old in my bedroom on a Saturday morning when the clock radio would click on and I could feel everything about that moment. From the smell of the jasmine to the birds singing outside. If you would have asked me who could bring up those feelings, never in a million years would I have said Anne Murray. Seriously, I didn’t even know this name, but apparently she was a part of my love of music journey, because I listened to every song and knew them all as I sang along wondering, who was I so in love with at that age that the song I Just Fall In Love Again made me feel the feels? Needless to say, she will be on my playlist now. As Matt came in the room and let me know it was getting late and we should get ready for bed, I decided to listen to one more tape. I looked at the picture and put the name in YouTube. I had been playing the first 30 seconds of songs and knew if it was something I wanted to listen to or not, and then would go to the next or play the whole thing. The first song was ok, and I listened to most of it, but knowing it was almost time for bed I went to the next. As the next song started to play, it didn’t even play for 3 seconds when I knew this was THE song. The tears started to flow. I was 12 years old laying on my dad’s floor, away from my mom for the first time that I could remember, feeling so lost hearing this song for the first time (Tammy Wynette, Dear Daughters). I remember crying for her for months because she was my person, good or bad. I would play this song on repeat and think of her, until one day I no longer did.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and that’s when I heard the song. It made me miss her, but not enough to pick up the phone. Life is weird and complicated and so is love and boundaries. I have played the song a few times now, and I think it’s healing something inside me. I’m able to connect with that broken 12 year old and really start to heal her. Music is amazing. Where I needed to find this song because it was an earworm, to being able to lay that moment in time to rest. I will find peace and forgiveness for myself. I will be thankful for all the other songs I found and how the good memories will outweigh the bad. In therapy when I talk about “healing,” it all centers around that time in my life, what happened before it that lead to that moment, to how I responded to everything after. I’m 53 now, and you would think I should be “over it,” but when you go years just shoving things down, hoping they’ll go away, you can’t get over it. I never blame my parents now for anything, because if I do i have to also give them credit for the good. I take responsibility for my life. I have found that everyone will have challenges in life and you can only hope there will be great people along the way to help you. For me I had some amazing people who showed kindness in the day-to-day who may not ever know, but when I hear a song it brings me back, and sometimes it will bring a smile, and sometimes it will bring a tear, but they have all helped me along the way. I hope when you listen to music it moves you the same way and you feel it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly, because at least you feel. I also hope you always have people in your life that will help you, Find The Good In Your Life.

Entrepreneur · family · fear · gratitude · Inspirational · Life · music · Overcoming

I Wrote This

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Hello Beautiful People! “The scariest moment is always just before we start” ~ Stephen King

‘I often get asked what it’s like being a writer. Honestly, I’m not sure how to answer that. I love writing a lot. I feel it’s something I’m good at. However, writing my first novel was so scary. We are getting ready to do some re-writes on it, some corrections that were missed in the first editing process. As I reread my book, I have thought, “This is really good. If I didn’t write this, I would want to read it.” Yes, by all means, let me toot my own horn. I think I will talk more about the writing process another day, but for today, here is a snippet of my book, Daydreams. I hope you enjoy it.

“Hi everyone. I am Sophia Angel-Day Love. At exactly 10:23 a.m. on May 25th five years ago my life changed forever. So, in the next 20 minutes I may break down crying. It was Memorial Day weekend and my husband Bryan had the weekend off. He was a firefighter. However, he was on call that weekend for our friend Greg, because his wife was due at any time. The family was all packed up and ready to head to the beach for the day when he got the call from Greg that his wife was going into labor. I understood that he had to go, but our girls were so disappointed. Our oldest, Layla, was five, about to turn six, and Lola was three. Layla threw such a big fit, and Lola just liked to copy her sister, so she did the same. Bryan sat them on the sofa and explained why he had to go and reminded them why what he did was so important. He reminded them how he was a helper and how being a helper was an important job. Bryan hugged them and kissed them both and said, ‘I love you, to heaven and back.’ That was a saying Bryan started with the girls and myself because we had to have the hard talks sometimes about death and what could happen. Layla had asked Bryan if he would still love her even if he was in heaven. He told her he would love her from heaven and he would feel her love from there too, so it became our thing, ‘I’ll love you to heaven and back.’ 

“The girls and I went to the beach while Bryan went to work. We called to tell him good night when we got home and he had said it was a pretty quiet night so far and he would be home in the morning. The next morning my sister-in-law, Mia, called and said she wanted to come get the girls for the day and she would be over around 8 to pick them up. I tried calling Bryan but I didn’t get an answer. I figured he must be on a call, no big deal. Mia came and got the girls and we made plans for us to come over that afternoon for a cookout once Bryan was home and rested. After they left, I puttered around the house keeping busy, waiting for Bryan. I went out to the rose garden that he had planted for me, sat on the butterfly bench he had just gotten me so I could sit there and enjoy the view. I loved it so much. He had planted what we called a butterfly garden around it. You know, all the flowers that butterflies enjoy. He said I reminded him of butterflies because I was always going from one thing to the next, always fluttering around. As I walked into the house I heard a knock at the door. My stomach turned into a knot. I didn’t know what was on the other side of the door, but I knew something was wrong. 

“As I answered the door I saw Jack, the Fire Chief, and several others from the department standing there. I remember shaking my head and asking, ‘Where is Bryan?’ As Jack got closer I heard him say, ‘Sophia, we are so sorry.’ I don’t remember this, but I was told by a few of the guys that I just started screaming, ‘NO!’ over and over, but in my head everything had gone numb and silent. I collapsed onto the floor crying and screaming. I felt like my whole world had come to an end in that moment. Every dream, every future plan, everything, died in that moment. I barely remember the next few days. I know I have amazing friends who took turns staying with me till I could function again.

“‘Function again.’ That’s a funny saying. You see, I wake up every day and go through motions, but I don’t know if I am functioning. I am told it’s ok to move on, that Bryan would want me to. I’m told it’s ok to be happy, but my happiness died with Bryan. I don’t know who this was supposed to help today, because I don’t feel helpful. I have a job that I enjoy, and two amazing girls and the best friends anyone could ask for, but yet, I am not happy. I keep all the sadness and anger inside. As people try to be helpful I stay polite, but inside I say things like, ‘Shut up, you have no idea. You tell me how it feels to relive your worst nightmare every night when you try to go to sleep.’ I have not slept one full night in 5 years. I wake crying almost every night if I do fall asleep. I spray his cologne on his pillow so I can smell him. I ask God ‘Why?’ all the time, and I still don’t have an answer. 

“Oh, you might wonder how this happened. There was a house fire, and the little boy who started the fire was scared so he hid. The rest of the family got out, and when they realized he was still in there Bryan went running in to find him. As Bryan found the little boy, Bryan got him out the window in time but the ceiling collapsed trapping Bryan. Everyone tried getting to Bryan but it was too late. I am not angry at Bryan or his brothers. I knew the dangers of the job and so did he. I’m angry that I have to go through life without the one person who swore he would always be there with me. The person who could calm my fears. The person who I dreamt with, made plans with. I am mad, because even though we talked about this being a possibility, he never told me how it would feel and how to continue breathing without him. I have to literally tell myself to breath sometimes. I am 36 years old and by now we were going to have made a difference in so many people’s lives. We had plans. But instead, I walk around in anger and pain trying my best to be a mom, friend, employee, daughter, and any other hat people expect me to wear. I get to wear all these hats except one… the wife hat. That hat is gone. I’m sorry. I feel like I’m just rambling now. I really don’t know why I was asked to share today. I hope this helped someone.” 

As Sophia looked into the faces of everyone sitting there she didn’t see a dry eye. A lady from the back of the room stood up. She was young looking. She wore her blond hair in two braids and was very pregnant….

I hope you enjoyed that and want to read more. You can find your copy here. You need to read to find out if Sophia learned to find the good in her life, but I hope you can always Find The Good In Your Life.

Entrepreneur · family · fear · gratitude · Inspirational · Life · music · Overcoming

Dolly Parton

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Hello Beautiful People! ”Storms make trees take deeper roots.” ~ Dolly Parton

There has been a “joke” between me and my friends for years. If they asked me about an actor or singer, I would shrug and say, “If it isn’t Dolly Parton or Kenny Rogers, I don’t know their name.” Not really a joke, but pretty much the truth. I have loved Dolly as long as I could remember. She was a comfort to me for many years and still is. I met her when I was in Children’s Hospital having my first back surgery. She and Kenny Rogers came in and sang songs to the kids. They were practicing songs for “A Christmas to Remember” that would come out a year or so later. I’m not sure if that’s when it was recorded or not, but I do remember laying in my bed not able to move because I was strapped to a bed that would need to flipped (like Jonny was on in The Outsiders after he got burned). They walked in and she said, “Well hello sugar. How are you doing today?” Her and Kenny stood and talked to me for what seemed like forever, but I’m sure it was only about 3 minutes. I was the happiest girl in the world.

As most Hispanics growing up on Saturday mornings, the music would turn on and you knew it was time to clean. My mom loved Kenny Rogers. I can’t tell you how many times she played the song “Lady” in a row on the record player the night she got that album. She liked Dolly too, but not like she loved Kenny. Most Saturday mornings our house was filled with Kenny, Dolly, The Bee Gee’s, Diana Ross and Tina Turner. By the time Tina came on the house was almost completely clean and a dance party was going on. But back to Dolly. For me, when Dolly would come on it was like she was singing to a part of me I didn’t know was there until I heard her voice. She would tell stories in her songs that would make me feel. I had no idea that music could move a person like that. I was a child crying over songs. There was one song, my go-to song that I needed to hear when I was going through it, “Me and Little Andy.” My best friend knew I loved Dolly and I remember the day she played “Me and Little Andy” for me.

How could a song make you feel so much? I was no longer living with my mom at this time (read No More Hurt in my blogs for that story), and was living with my birth father who I didn’t really know and could tell he didn’t want me there. I understood this song. I had been Little Andy, knocking on a neighbors door because my mom hadn’t come home and I was scared. I didn’t understand these feelings that were welling up inside me, but I knew I felt this song like no song I ever felt before. I laid in my best friend’s aunt’s back room listening to this song on repeat. I cried a cry I never knew I could cry. This song became the song that would help me feel again. I had no idea that I was carrying stress around. I was a child, what did I have to be stressed out about? So many things! There has been many times in my life when I start to go numb from life and I know a part of me is needing to heal. I can turn on this song and feel feelings and heal feelings that I allowed to be buried. For me, Dolly has helped me heal because she helped me feel. I still listen to this song and cry because I am still healing that little girl. I have grown up stronger than I believe any person should have to be, but I am thankful for a blond wigged lady who called me sugar because she helped me find the good in my life, and I hope you too can Find The Good In Your Life.

Entrepreneur · family · fear · gratitude · Inspirational · mind set · music · Overcoming · Uncategorized

Holding My Keys

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Hello Sunshines! I remember in my 20’s into my early 30’s I would ache with depression and sadness. I went to the Dr. and was put on Zoloft. I couldn’t figure out why I was so sad all the time. Why the people around me weren’t making me happy. I would cry myself to sleep just wanting to find happiness in my life. I loved my kids but they didn’t make me happy. My husband at the time worked a lot and so I thought it was because he was always gone and we would fight when he was home, so I just knew that was causing my sadness. I ended up getting off medication due to having cancer. Now I felt like I was on my own, nothing to help numb the pain. Fast forward a few years and I went through my divorce. I was alone many nights. I literally had a panic attack in Target because I didn’t know how to be alone. One night something shifted, I took a bath with candles, listening to music, had a glass of wine, read a book instead of turning on the TV, these were things that brought me joy. I realized I had been living for others, my family, my church family, my friends that I stopped living for myself. When I finally took the keys back to my happiness and figured out who I was and things that brought me joy life got better. It took a moment but when I realized I am the one responsible for me and my happiness I never looked for it in others. I create my own happiness and I try daily even when life is busy to slow down long enough to do something that helps me find the good in my life and I hope you slow down long enough to Find The Good In Your Life and take back your keys.

family · Inspirational · music · Uncategorized

Me, Myself and I

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Good Morning Sunshines! “Music was my refuge. I would crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” ~ Maya Angelou

Have you ever played a song on repeat because it was speaking to you like nothing and nobody could. I have had a few moments like that, but the one I remember most that changed me was Friday night at home by myself while going through a divorce. My kids were with their dad that weekend. I had some co-workers who throughout the year would challenge me to go out to lunch or dinner by myself, go shopping by myself, and I had accomplished these things. But this Friday night I was having a “get real” with myself moment, letting go of some hurt. The radio was on and a song came on that made me stop and just listen, “Private Party” by India Arie. After the song went off I YouTubed it and played it over and over. I was learning how to love me. I danced around the house listening to this song. I really looked in the mirror and saw me again. I had lost me. I became who everyone else wanted me to be. Yes, I was a positive person, but I didn’t know who else I was. If you have ever seen Runaway Bride you’ll understand this next question I asked myself, “How do you like your eggs? Over medium.” I started asking myself questions I would ask someone while trying to get to know them. I needed to get to know me again. While listening to this song on repeat, dancing around the house, laughing, crying, I realized I am going to be ok. I had just gone through one of the hardest years of my life but everything was working out. I realized I loved me, and more importantly I liked me.

There are days I will play that song and just look in the mirror at all of me and do a check in. We will call our moms, grandparents, kids and friends to check on them, but when is the last time you checked in on you? Seriously, look at yourself and remind yourself who you are. This isn’t just for women, but men too. We get so lost in the everyday and thinking about everything we have to do for everyone else that we forget to stop and remember me, myself and I and Find The Good In Our Life.