Hello Beautiful People! “A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.” — Winnie the Pooh
Have you ever sat in a room of people and felt so alone but yet sat with one person and felt so seen? I’ve stood on stages and been cheered by thousands and yet looked out only looking for my one. I’ve been congratulated by strangers and waited for the same congratulations by those I thought were my people. Looking for a place to fit in and finding “Your People” is sometimes a long and stressful thing. I have found as we go through the different seasons of our life, sometimes the people change too. I’ve been very blessed with the same, never changing, no matter the season of life, Besties since I was 12, but we live on different coasts and, though we cheer each other on and share our lives in text, phone calls, and pictures, something is missing. I need connection, we all need connection.
I think we live in a world that had become used to doing so much life through text and social media that when 2020 happened and turned into two years of social distancing, we became very comfortable with being alone. Then followed by two years of justifying why we still weren’t ready to connect. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with spending time by yourself. As a matter of fact, it’s healthy to be able to sit alone, but that’s a topic for another day. Though alone time is good, doing life alone is not. We are meant to do life together. What does that look like? Well in the book “Find Your People” by Jennie Allen, she explains that we have layers of relationships. The outer most are your Acquaintances, which are all the people you know. Then you have your Village, that’s around 50 people, and are the ones you do a lot of life with and would invite to a party if you were having one; you enjoy their company. Then there is the Inner Circle, the 2 to 5 that are closest with you, the ones you would call if you were having an emergency. I’ve definitely had the Village so many times. You share life and talk about things and start to go deep. I remember sitting around my table doing life with my “Small Group” (there was 20 of us) and we shared our hurts and our pains and cried together, went to doctor appointments together and waited for results together. We didn’t all go to the doctor together, but we asked who can go with me. We weren’t afraid of being a “burden” to one another. As a matter of fact, we picked up each others’ burdens and carried them, together. But 2020 happened, and doing life together changed. My group tried to stay together. We did Facetimes and texted, but life took a toll on so many of us, and the way the world looked and behaved, changed.
Now, I long for those conversations around a table or fire-pit, but this time I’m looking to go deeper. I love the Village life, and I want that too, but I want that Inner Circle. I want that feeling I had with my 12 year old besties of laughing till we almost pee (unfortunately today I probably would pee… if you know, you know). That closeness of, “I’m coming over.” I don’t want to settle for just doing Village life, I want to go deeper. That I actually am holding your hand and looking you in the eyes when I say, “everything will be ok,” not just texting it. I want to hold your hand and pray for you and not just text “praying.” I want those 2 to 5 people that I don’t feel scared to ask for help. You see, with my village I was the leader, and I felt alone so much because I was the one making sure everyone else was healthy and ok that I forgot to seek out my inner circle. I even, at times, became resentful of the Village because they didn’t check on me, but how could they when I didn’t let them know that I needed help. I thought the bread crumbs I was dropping would be the clue, but I never just said, “I’m having a hard time,” or whatever it may be. Finding your inner circle also means there will be hard conversations sometimes. Am I ready for those conversations should they arise? I hope so. I want to have the friends that turn to family. That I know that even if we have a disagreement we will get past it and be stronger.
I just started a new Bible Study group, and as we start to form the Village, I look around the table and wonder will any of them be my inner circle? It’s great if they are, but ok if they aren’t. I like knowing I a have Village of women praying for me. Yes, we all know Matt is my best friend, and, after God, Matt is as close to the inner of inner circles as it gets. But there is something about a girlfriend. Matt has his guy friends, and I watch as he giggles at his phone as they text each other and make plans to meet up. I’m a little envious. I love that for him, but I need that for me. In the book we are reading it explains about Finding Your People and how to go about it. I text a friend the other day and said, “Apparently you are one of my best friends.” She laughed and agreed I was one of hers too. For the sake of the book we won’t include Matt into that inner circle, or my daughter, who I love to think is my friend, not just my daughter, and knows me better than most. So now I have one inner circle friend… this is a little scary. As I come out of the fog of what was the 2020 vortex and go into an new season looking for and ready for those connections that I believe so many of us really are, I open myself up ready to do life with people again. Ready for cookouts with couple friends. Ready for coffee talks with girlfriends. Ready to hold myself accountable for allowing love and friendship back into my life that go deeper and not closing myself off because of past hurts. I would love to know, do you have your Village? Do you have your Inner Circle? I would really suggest everyone seeking to make new connections to read this book. I don’t agree with all of it, but the one thing I know for sure, I want to share the good in my life, and I hope you always Find The Good In Your Life.
Find The Good In Your Life 